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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886300">Snow White Aldrich</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sirris_Sunless/pseuds/Sirris_Sunless'>Sirris_Sunless</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Dark Souls (Video Games), Dark Souls III</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse of in game mechanism, Fairy Tale Parody, Gen, Other, wrong use of covenant items</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-05</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 15:53:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,466</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27886300</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sirris_Sunless/pseuds/Sirris_Sunless</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Sulyvahn tries to feed Aldrich. Yorshka tries to revenge her brother. Blade of Darkmoon and Ashen One tries to farm covenant items. No morals. Not serious. This is a parody</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aldrich/Sulyvahn the Tyrant</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Snow White Aldrich</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/721858">Little Snow-White</a> by Grimm Brothers.
        </li>

    </ul></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Once upon a time in midwinter, when the snowflakes were falling like feathers from heaven, a queen sat sewing at her window, which had a frame of black ebony wood. As she sewed she looked up at the snow and pricked her finger with her needle. Three drops of blood fell into the snow. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The red on the white looked so beautiful that she thought to herself, "If only I had a child as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as the wood in this frame."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Soon afterward she had a little child whose skin was as pale as snow, cheeks red as blood, hair black as ebony wood. The queen thought this child could grow up to be a great prince, and so named him “Aldrich”, meaning “noble ruler”.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aldrich had such an unusual appetite that the country grew poor due to how much he ate. Soon the king and the queen died from illness, the country taken by Anor Londor. The ambitious tyrant Sulyvahn thought Aldrich’s appetite would be useful to him, so he treated the child with great care. He was afraid that Aldrich would be starved despite how much food he delivered to him, so he went to the divine princess imprisoned on a high tower,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yorshka Yorshka on the wall,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What in this land is the most delicious of all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To this the princess answered:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The Proof of a Concord kept!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Before this, the proofs of concord taken by Silver Knights and Darkmoon Knights were all made into stew for Princess Yorshka. Now, Sulyvahn asked the Aldrich faithfuls to take proofs of concord and feed Aldrich. And thus thousands of Darkmoon knights could no longer get this tribute item, while Aldrich grew bigger and bigger. When there are no proofs of concord left, Sulyvahn went to ask the Archdeacon McDonnell,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“McDonnell McDonnell on the wall,</span>
</p><p>
  <span>What in this land is the most delicious of all?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>McDonnell answered:</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Human Dregs!”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>So Sulyvahn commanded the deacons and Aldrich faithfuls to pillage for human dregs, and soaked them in milk to feed to Aldrich. Aldrich grew bigger than ever and bloated into a pile of soft sludge. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>When he turned eighteen, he was larger than Smough’s armor, and stronger than the Harald knights, and his appetite insatiable. One day Sulyvahn left for his summer estate in Irithyll. Aldrich ate all Proofs of Concord and Human Dregs but still felt very hungry, so he went into Sulyvahn’s palace and ate the divine prince Gwyndolin who was sitting in the hall.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Gwyndolin’s sister Yorshka learned about this and was outraged. Before Sulyvahn came back, she called for a Blade of the Darkmoon and said, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>"Take Aldrich out to the woods. Kill him, and as proof that he is dead bring his ear back to me."</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Darkmoon Knight obeyed and took Aldrich into the woods. Because Aldrich ate Gwyndolin, he took the prince’s appearance. When the knight was about to kill him, he saw the face of his former captain, and he couldn’t bring himself to kill Aldrich, so he left Aldrich alone in the woods. Then he put on the Blade of the Darkmoon Covenant, hoping to earn a Proof of a Concord from a red phantom, but no one summoned him. So he had to cut off one of his own ears, and went back to see Yorshka.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aldirch was now all alone in the great forest. He was so afraid and didn’t know where to go. He ran around and saw a little house, so he went inside in order to rest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Inside the house there was a table with seven plates of food, seven sets of utensils, and seven cups of estus soup. Against the wall there were seven beds. Aldrich was so hungry that he ate the seven plates of food and drank all the soup. Then he lay his sludge across all the beds and fell asleep.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Soon the masters of the house returned home. They were the seven phantoms and NPCs who worked around the Crucifixion Woods. They lit their seven candles, and immediately saw that someone had been there.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Anri said, "Who ate my vegetables?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Horace said, "@#$@^%..."</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Heysel said, "Who ate my giant crab!!!!!!? My freaking craaabbb!!!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Orbeck said, “Who crushed my chair?!! It took me a week to make it!!!!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Exile Greatsword Watchdog said, "Who used my knife?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Great Club Watchdog said, “Who drank my estus soup?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Hodrick said, "Who swallowed my fire from Warmth?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then Anri went to her bed and shouted, "Who is that!” Everyone else came running and shouted as well, as they saw Aldrich splayed across all of their beds. They fetched their lamps and shone the light on Gwyndolin’s face as they thought that was Aldrich’s face. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What should we do?” Anri asked. Heysel raised her pick right away, furious that someone ate her crab. Hodrick stopped her at once. Orbeck proposed to get this stranger out of their settlement, so the seven of them lifted Aldrich together and threw him into a pond in the Crucifixion Woods.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The next day, Aldrich woke up in the pond and had nowhere to go, so he lingered in the woods everyday and ate all the mushrooms and crabs. Meanwhile, the Blade of Darkmoon brought his ear back to Yorshka. Yorshka immediately knew it was fake, but she didn’t blame him. Instead she asked, </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Where is the Pontiff?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pontiff Sulyvahn said people had been fighting a lot in the backyard of his summer estate. It will take him a while to take care of that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yorshka was very happy to hear that. She stood up and broke the chain Sulyvahn put on her with bare hands, and took out a large Proof of a Concord kept she hid for herself. Then she put rotten pine resin on the ear. From the outside it was a beautiful, fresh ear, but anyone who eats a little piece of it would die. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, Yorshka disguised herself as a peasant woman and went across the mountains to Crucifixion Woods. She found Aldrich wriggling by the water around an empty crab shell. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yorshka shouted,“Beautiful goods for sale, for sale!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aldrich said, “Do you have any food? I’m starving!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Of course!” Yorshka took out the Proof of Concord kept, “I'll easily get rid of my proofs of concord. Here, I'll give you one of them.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Aldrich remembered Sulyvahn telling him not to accept gifts, but he was too hungry, so he took the ear. He barely had a bite when he fell to the ground dead.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Yorshka looked at him with a gruesome stare, laughed loudly, and said, "Dear brother, I have avenged thee! Sulyvahn, thou art next!"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Back in Anor Londo she asked the Darkmoon Knight, “Is Sulyvahn back yet?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The Darkmoon Knight answered, “I heard a knight carrying a Buckler went to visit Sulyvahn, so no, the Pontiff is not back yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Yorshka was content, and her heart, once filled with vengeance, was now at rest. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When the NPCs and invaders came home that evening they found Aldrich lying in the pond, poisoned. Heysel thought he took too much space, so she went to the Cathedral of the Deeps to ask someone to take him away. Aldrich’s faithful followers found their saint dead. They were very sad. They made a giant stretcher with tree branches and moved him to the Cleansing Chapel.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Aldrich lay there for a long, long time, and he did not decay. The part of Gwyndolin looked like he was asleep, for he was still as pale as snow and as red as blood, and the sludge part was still black as ebony wood.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>One day, a knight carrying a Buckler and a dagger ran into the chapel, yelling “DLC 1 here I come”. Paying no attention to his surroundings, he stumbled on Aldrich. This kick dislodged the Gwyndolin stucked in Aldrich’s sludge.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gwyndolin woke up and asked, "Good heavens, where am I? What happened? What year is it?"</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The knight said, "This is the Crucifixion Woods. I just found you here. I don’t know what year it is." </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Gwyndolin said, “I am Gwyndolin, Captain of the Darkmoon Knights. Sulyvahn wrongfully proclaimed himself Pontiff and imprisoned my sister. I must return to Anor Londo at once…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The knight said joyfully, “Do not worry, Sulyvahn already fell before my Buckler! Let me escort you back to Anor Londo!”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>And then the knight accompanied Gwyndolin back to Anor Londo. As a reward, the prince gave him the Darkmoon Ring and Darkmoon Blade as rewards. The Ashen One was so happy because he no longer needed to farm for the Proof of concord anymore. Buffed with the Darkmoon Blade, he returned to his journey, and Gwyndolin and his sister lived happily forever.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>- The End -</span>
</p>
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